How to Be Okay with People Not Liking You

The other day I saw a guy I knew in a coffee commercial.  Since I live in LA and know a lot of actors this is not unusual.  I can't remember why I know this guy, maybe it was from a workshop or an audition, but I do remember thinking that he was arrogant and a total idiot.  Clearly my opinion of people doesn't preclude them from booking a national commercial.

This is actually good news.  What it means is that you don't have to make everybody like you.  There will always be someone who doesn't like you and those people don't matter.  Maybe they'll never ask you to be in their movie or cast you in a national commercial, but you can't worry about those people because you could be Meryl Streep and not make them happy.

I read some reviews of the movie, Drive, which I loved.  A couple reviewers actually complained about Ryan Gosling's acting.  If you know anything about acting, then you understand how crazy this is.  But, it illustrates that no matter what you do there will be someone out there who will dislike it.

It's hard to let it roll off your back when someone doesn't like you.  You know it's what you should do, but we operate in a business where more times than not it's the opinion of others that decides if you get a job or not.

Next time you find someone who doesn't like you, just keep moving on and the you will be sure to find someone who does.

Can the actors out there please stand up?

When someone asks you, what do you do?  Do you spout off a list of survival jobs before eventually mumbling under your breath that you are an actor, if you even say actor at all? 

I know you worry how they'll look at you, especially in LA where being an "actor" can have some bad connotations.  I know what it is to dread the next question that'll be coming out of their mouths: Have you been in anything I would've seen?

But, if you can't stand up and proudly say you are an actor then how do you expect anyone else to think of you as an actor.  A couple years back I took a seminar about creating a business plan for actors.  At this seminar we each had to write down our ultimate dream goal in this profession, then we had to put down the paper and say it to the person sitting next to us.  You can't imagine how the words "I want to win an Oscar" get stuck in your throat when you are forced to say it to a complete stranger.  The point was if you can't say this dream of yours out loud to someone then how will you ever be able to reach it.

According to SAG, you are a professional actor when you have headshots, a resume, and are actively seeking acting work.  It has nothing to do with you being paid as an actor or if you have a SAG card, but simply if you are pursuing work as an actor.  So, for all you out there that are going to classes, submitting on Actor's Access and LACasting, or making your own movies: YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR! 

Don't shy away from it.  Stand up and be proud for pursuing this crazy career.

And as far as that horrible question "Have you been in anything I would've seen?"  I answer by grabbing my iPhone and pulling up my website, MichelleCoyle.net.  There I have links to all the shorts I've made and my demo reel.  Now they've seen something I've been in.

The Money Trap

You may have noticed in a few of my previous blogs, such as Serious Actors Take Classes, that I really dislike lazy actors.  But, I know there are other reasons why actors may not be taking classes or be prepared for their auditions.  Sometimes life gets in the way. 

One thing that always pops up is money or the lack of it.  The rent and bills are always there needing to be paid and the truth is that you won't audition well if you're worried about how you're going to eat this week.  You need money and most of you are not making enough from your acting career alone. 

The number one solution to this problem would be to find a sugar daddy/momma.  But, for those of us who don't have the ... um ... assets required to get a sugar-something we are stuck having to find a survival job.  

Then life happens - your car breaks down or you get sick and suddenly that survival job you got so you could go to auditions and classes gets in the way of doing those very things.  You've lost sight of why you even came to LA in the first place and instead of acting you are living your life shift to shift in a crappy job you probably could be doing back home.  You've become too busy living whatever life you've built for yourself instead of pursuing your dream. 

Not long ago I went to a Q&A with the cast of The Office.  John Krasinski talked about his life as a struggling actor in NYC.  He said he would always take any acting opportunity offered to him, whether it be a film or a staged reading or a play, no matter what, even if it meant walking out in the middle of a restaurant shift.  If they fired him he would just find another job.  It sounds harsh but I think he had his priorities right.

I know you need money to live and that jobs are hard to find right now.  But, you have to prioritize what's important.  Money is important, but in my experience you can survive on less than you think.  Don't get stuck defined by your survival job because you're so busy working that you've forgotten to follow your dreams.
  

Being Okay with Being Ugly (or how to rock a gorilla suit)

Currently, I am performing in a play at Playhouse West called A Mixed Tape.   I spend almost the entirety of the play in a full Gorilla suit.  You may be thinking that's too bad for me that the audience doesn't get to see my face.  But the truth is that being in the costume gives me so much freedom that I have a ton of fun doing this play.  Plus, I don't have to worry about my hair and make-up before the show, so I'm not sitting with the other ladies fighting over plugs for flat irons.

I've always loved character work, when I get in a costume and develop traits that are different from my own, I am truly happy.  Now, even when I am doing a role that doesn't specifically call for a lot of character work, I still create character traits to give my performance that extra layer.  Creating a character always makes me feel more relaxed and free on stage.

What I don't understand are actors who are not willing to make themselves ugly when a role calls for it.  It's like they are scared we have such short memories that we'll forget they are actually beautiful.  Look, if you are supposed to be in the 1800's Old West, you have to accept that showers were not common and flat irons were not invented yet, so if you look perfectly made up and clean then it's kinda hard for the audience to buy that you are actually in the Old West.

Charlize Theron would never have won an Oscar if she worried about what she looked like playing Aileen in "Monster."  If you want to be really truthful in whatever part you are playing, you cannot be afraid to get a little dirty.  Sometimes a role calls for you to put away the curling iron and rock your frizzy natural hair, think how different Cameron Diaz would have been in "Being John Malkovich" without her frizziness.

As actors I know we all fret about what we look like.  We obsess over diets and exercise.  We bleach our teeth and our hair.  We are constantly trying to look like the perfect people we think Hollywood wants us to be, but when you do get an acting job don't forget why you are in this crazy business: to live truthfully under imaginary circumstances.

Don't shortchange your character or the audience by not being truthful with how your character looks.

Are you your worst enemy?

Each of us find ways to sabotage our own careers.  The trick is to figure out what it you are doing to hurt your career and then work everyday to fight that.

Personally, I often question my abilities and especially my looks.  I will say to myself I am not pretty enough for that part or I don't have enough credits so they will never call me in.  This prevents me from going after roles I really want and then I will never be given a chance in the first place.

Have you ever been called in for something and then thought, this character doesn't look like me or I'm not the type of person they would cast in this role?  What do you do then?  Do you go to the audition and tell the casting director you aren't right for this or even worse do you not go to the audition at all? 

Both of these are the absolutely wrong choice.  Don't do the casting director's job for them.  You can't know what they are looking for, so go in, don't make excuses, and do the best work you can do.  Let them decide that your ears are too big, or your nose is crooked, or that your credits aren't enough.

Woody Allen famously said, "Eighty percent of success is just showing up."  Talking yourself out of trying for things that may seem difficult or out of your reach can be a self-protecting device to prevent you from being rejected.  But, I guarantee someone else will get 100% of the jobs you don't show up for.

Do you have support?

Yesterday, I spent the 4th with my extended family. All day we ate and gabbed.  It was wonderful and I got to see how very lucky I am. (This is also my excuse for being a day late with my blog.)

I have an amazing support network of aunts, uncles, and cousins who love me unconditionally and are guaranteed to repost anything I put on Facebook (probably including this blogpost.) On days when I am feeling down for not getting more movie or TV work, one thing that keeps me from really beating myself up is knowing how proud my family is for what I have done. With their support I know I can keep trying to do this crazy career. 

Not everyone has such a supportive family and my suggestion to you is to create your own. If your family wants you to just go to Law School already then make your friends your support network. Find a group of like-minded people and support each other. 

Remember friends are the family you get to choose, so choose well. If you are friends with people who aren't supporting your career, why are you friends with them?

Stop Worrying so Much!

This audition doesn’t matter.  Seriously, whatever audition you are about to go on does not matter nearly as much as you think.  There will always be another audition, another pilot season, another feature film, even another agent or manager.  Actors often act like if they don’t get this job it will be the end of the world.  Trust me, it won’t.  This is not your last chance!

I don’t say this so you can feel okay about going into your next audition unprepared.  I say this because that desperation you feel to get this job shows up all over your face from the moment you walk in the room. 

You know how you hear about people finding the “right one” the moment they stop looking for them and then they get married and live happily ever after?  That’s because they stopped being desperate.  It’s the same with getting a job.  When you worry about each audition like it’s your last chance, you aren’t relaxed and that can prevent you from getting the job.

Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam Beasley on “The Office,” has a great story about when she pretty much gave up on acting and she suddenly found success.  She had been in Los Angeles pursuing her acting career for about 10 years.  She had some co-stars, gone out for pilots, and such but hadn’t found a way to make a living as an actress.  She decided it was time to pursue a new career and chose to go to veterinary school.  

Since she was very close to her manager and agent she decided to give them one more pilot season before completely giving it up.  But she had something else now and each audition wasn’t the end all be all for her.  That is when she got cast in “The Office.”  That’s not to say she didn’t come prepared for the audition, I am sure she did all that work, but I’m willing to bet she wasn’t nearly as worried about whether or not she got the job.

I’m not saying you have to have a back up career already in your pocket, but you shouldn’t look at each audition as if it’s this or nothing.  Because it’s not.  They are always going to be making another movie.  Television shows are going to be cancelled and new ones will have to be made to fill their slots.  They will always need actors.

I told you this is acting thing is a long-term project, so stop trying to be an overnight success.

Why should you listen to me?

First off, you probably shouldn't.  In this town, anybody who says they know anything is probably lying and trying to sell you something.  In Hollywood there are no hard and fast rules and when there are "rules" you can always find someone who has broken them and made it.  I am just an actor who has done this long enough to have made most of the mistakes an actor can make and for all the mistakes I haven't made, just give me time.

I once read (and I don't remember where, so this is me trying to quote it as best I can) that "anyone can act, that's why you see so many people getting off the bus in Hollywood trying to be an actor and so few people getting off the bus in Houston trying to be an astro-physicist."  I think that is one of the amazing things about this business, anyone can "make it."  But, for every fresh-off-the-bus-actor who is offered a series regular role on the next "Friends" there are literally thousands who go home after two years of waiting tables, never knowing how to even get close to being in that small circle of working actors.

Just to be clear, I am not one of those people who gets to make a living being a "working actor."  I have a survival job, but I have gotten paid to act on rare occasions and it's like heroin, I work the survival job in order to pay for my few hits.  That's why you have to love it more than anything else you could possibly do.

There are ways to slowly chip away at the inner circle of Hollywood elite and after a lot of work you might find yourself among them.  You have to understand that it is a life long process.  If you are willing to sacrifice and put in the time, you can make it - whatever "making it" means.

I am starting this blog to share with you the bumps I have hit along my journey, in hopes that you can learn from the mistakes I've made.  In return, I only ask that when you are accepting your Oscar that you give me a shout out.