Like Me, Please Like Me!

Edward Norton once said that one of the things he disliked about being an actor is that it's a career that requires other people giving you permission to do it.  Unlike a painter or poet you can't just go to your basement and be an actor.  Sure you could do a monologue for your stuffed animals, but an actor really needs an audience that listens and responds.  You can't act in a vacuum.

Remember Sally Field winning the Oscar and her joy in realizing that they liked her, they really liked her?  It took her winning an Oscar to figure that out?  Wasn't she America's Sweetheart when she was Gidget?  But, that lack of self-confidence is not uncommon in this industry which can have you being rejected on a daily basis.  Even the most talented actors are worried about when the next job will come along or if there will ever even be a next job.

An actor friend came to me recently concerned that she wasn't being cast in the shorts and webseries her other actor friends were filming.  She went into that downward spiral of questioning her talent, thinking she had none, and eventually landing on maybe it was time for her to give up.  On the outside, you can look into this situation and see all kinds of possible reasons she wasn't cast.  Maybe the parts weren't right for her or maybe they wrote parts specifically for someone who could bring in equipment or money.  But, when you are the actor inside looking out, it's hard not to take it as a comment on your own abilities.  We want so much for people to want us to be in their projects.

One reason actors constantly need approval from others is because we are unable to stand back and see our own work.  This is especially true in theater, but even on film it is nearly impossible to judge ourselves.  I remember an interview with Tea Leoni where she was asked if she ever watched herself in movies.  She said no, she hated watching herself because she could never see past her huge front teeth.  I've enjoyed a number of Tea Leoni movies and have never once noticed her front teeth. 

We are terrible judges of ourselves.  I know I am.  I can't tell you how many auditions I was sure I bombed that I then got a callback or cast.  And as far as looking to others for approval, what I've learned is that some people are going to like you no matter what.  Other people will hate you and you won't be able to change their mind, even if you were Meryl Streep.  You can't worry about what others think, eventually you'll find the people who like working with you and those are the ones worth worrying about.

Do you treat your career like an Athlete?

Actors and athletes may seem on the surface to have made opposite life choices to get to those careers, but deep down they are actually quite similar.

For one, if you want to be great at either of these careers you have to practice ... a lot.  Plus, there is a certain level of luck that goes alongside all that practice if you want to be a star athlete or a star actor.  The best college ball player ever can be sidelined by a bad injury and never go pro.  Some of the most talented actors are never at the right place at the right time to get that star-making role.

I recently heard a story on NPR about a baseball player who got drafted into the Minors.  He was getting paid to do what he loved and many actors will say that in itself would be a dream come true for them.  The ballplayer said that from the moment he got drafted he thought the call to go up to The Show (that's what they call the Majors if you believe "Bull Durham") would come at any moment.  Every once in a while, one of his teammates would get the call and he knew if they took that guy surely they were going to call him next.

Then years started to pass and he never got the call.  There are so many actors in Hollywood that have similar stories.  They watch their friends start booking and become successful.  They think why not me and know their big break is right around the corner.

Here is where the story splits.  The ballplayer eventually got too old and had to retire.  With most sports, the retirement age can be 30.  Actors get to keep going and many are just starting at 30.  It's one of the wonderful things about this profession: there is no age limit on success.  Examples of actors who found success later in life include Chris Cooper, Michael Emerson, Melissa Leo, and even Tom Hanks waited tables for most of his twenties.

What's so wonderful about that, is it gives you so much time to become a great actor.  They say you have to spend 10,000 hours working at something to become an expert.  That is approximately 3 hours a day, every day for ten years.  Actors can keep working at it for a lifetime, so just think how amazing you'll get to be.  It just takes work.

How many hours a day are you working on your craft?

How many times can you face rejection and still keep going?

Recently, I read an article about how Kathryn Stockett's novel "The Help" was rejected 60 times by publishers before finally being bought by Amy Einhorn Books.  She never gave up, even at rejection 59 she kept pushing. 

Not to take anything away from her amazing resilience and perseverance, but most of us actors face this amount of rejection or more in any given year.

Mark Ruffalo went on 800 auditions before someone finally said yes to him.  That's right he had over 800 rejections and still kept on trying.  Finally, his persistence paid off and now he is not only one of the most talented actors out there but also very successful.

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I had friends who thought I would try this for a bit and when it didn't work out just go back home and get a regular job.  Some still ask, "when are you coming home?"  The answer is: I'm not.

After Melissa Leo was let go from her breakthrough role on "Homicide: Life on the Streets" she didn't book another part for a few years.  If she had taken that as a sign that she needed to give up and go home she wouldn't have an Oscar today.

Actors have multiple opportunities for rejection every day from your agent's submission on a breakdown to the preread to the call back to the studio test.  For every actor you see on an episode of CSI think of how many actors were rejected for that part. 

Why do we keep putting ourselves through so much rejection?

Because someone has to get the part and there will be that moment where you are the right person at the right place at the right time and the part will be yours.

On the days you feel like you can't face another rejection those are the days you have to push the hardest.  So, keep on pushing guys!

Why should you listen to me?

First off, you probably shouldn't.  In this town, anybody who says they know anything is probably lying and trying to sell you something.  In Hollywood there are no hard and fast rules and when there are "rules" you can always find someone who has broken them and made it.  I am just an actor who has done this long enough to have made most of the mistakes an actor can make and for all the mistakes I haven't made, just give me time.

I once read (and I don't remember where, so this is me trying to quote it as best I can) that "anyone can act, that's why you see so many people getting off the bus in Hollywood trying to be an actor and so few people getting off the bus in Houston trying to be an astro-physicist."  I think that is one of the amazing things about this business, anyone can "make it."  But, for every fresh-off-the-bus-actor who is offered a series regular role on the next "Friends" there are literally thousands who go home after two years of waiting tables, never knowing how to even get close to being in that small circle of working actors.

Just to be clear, I am not one of those people who gets to make a living being a "working actor."  I have a survival job, but I have gotten paid to act on rare occasions and it's like heroin, I work the survival job in order to pay for my few hits.  That's why you have to love it more than anything else you could possibly do.

There are ways to slowly chip away at the inner circle of Hollywood elite and after a lot of work you might find yourself among them.  You have to understand that it is a life long process.  If you are willing to sacrifice and put in the time, you can make it - whatever "making it" means.

I am starting this blog to share with you the bumps I have hit along my journey, in hopes that you can learn from the mistakes I've made.  In return, I only ask that when you are accepting your Oscar that you give me a shout out.