Learning to Accept Compliments

I am terrible at accepting compliments.  Mostly because I am never that happy with my work.  I tend to see all the flaws and no matter how perfect I want it to be, it's not.  Of course, I understand you can't expect perfection, but I hold myself to pretty high standards.

This weekend I had three short films that I wrote and produced in the Playhouse West Film Festival.   I had a hard time even standing in the theater while they showed.  Two were comedies and it's very nerve wracking waiting to hear if people laugh at the right times.  The third film is a drama called, All You Need.  I had no idea how people would respond and you can't take the temperature of the audience by seeing if they are laughing at the right times.  I kept walking in and out of the theater, biting my nails while it was showing.

Afterwards, I had so many people come up to me and say nice things about the movie.  It was wonderful, but of course I have no idea how to respond.  I wish I knew how to be one of those salesman type filmmakers that could have turned all those into great networking moments.  I should have come out with a stack of business cards and new contacts.  Instead I usually just stammered out an incoherent "thank you" and walked away.

At the end of the weekend, I was awarded the Jury Prize for Best Screenplay.  This was beyond unexpected.  I help run the festival, so I was busy backstage moving chairs when they announced my name.  I don't even remember what I said in the speech, although I'm sure I didn't say everything I wanted to say and probably looked like a bumbling idiot.

Here I am accepting my award.  Did I ever mention that I'm short?

So, since my speech was terrible.  Here is what I wished I said:

This award means so much to me.  I never considered myself a screenwriter.  I've been in LA for 7 years working as an actor, but never as much as I like.  I began writing because I wanted more opportunities to act.  I write the movies I want to see and the roles I want to play.  There are a few people who were a huge part of making "All You Need" happen.  First, Tony Savant and his writing class.  I started this script in his class and his guidance really helped craft many moments of this script.  My parents who are so supportive and really pushed me to make this film from the first time I sent them a draft of the script.  Of course, Ricardo who not only brought so much of my script to life as the director, but also helped me early on making it the best script we could create with all of his notes and edits.   Plus he has put up with me and all my craziness for 6 years, so he gets point for that too.  Lastly, my amazing cast and crew.  Sarah and Gabe worked so hard on each of their roles, going above and beyond rehearsing and getting to know Amaris.  They each brought so much more to the roles than what was on the page.  The Ultreras family for letting me use their home for 3 days and especially, Noemi, for letting me borrow her daughter.  Everyone else who came out to hold a boom, work as an extra, or slate for nothing more than free food and my gratitude: Kim, Marilyn, Alicia, Lacy, Karen, Kinga, Jacqueline, Elizabeth, Valerie, Shannon, Elena, Lance, Juan, Jessica, Brian, Kevin, Jenny, and if I'm forgetting anyone I am so sorry but seriously, I love each and every one of you so much.  

Thank you to everyone who came up and said nice things to me over the weekend.  It really meant the world to me.